old man
he puts it in the wrong hole
always the wrong hole
never the right hole
sometimes it slips
you hit the wrong hole
sometimes but mostly
the right hole
even if you are stupid
you hit the right hole
half the time
old man
always hits the wrong hole
never the right hole
must like it that way
At this point the bus driver yells at him to shut up. Coyote grumbles,
sullen, starts his second bottle of wine...
...
Coyote looks out into a bitter cold frozen dawn.
Blue ice under wind blown new fallen snow. Then the bus passes, fringed
by a snow beard, one of those strange silhouetted flat animals,a cow this
time. Coyote sees them everywhere & all kinds too -cattle, pigs, goats,
sheep, horses,deer, elk, rabbits, snakes, armadillos & two leggeds
also, running, walking, riding bikes,& tractors & fire trucks
& horses & ATVs & golf carts all with weird ping-pong ball
shaped heads. He even saw a flat coyote once, that really pissed him off.
Cause these animals, they never talk to him, silent. Tried & tried
but they ignore him, the stuck-up creeps. This enrages Coyote cause if
they won't talk to him he can't fuck with them & it's Coyote's purpose
in life to fuck with everybody. Just last month he got so angry he leaped
up & tried to bite some silent walking ping-pong head two legged creep.
His lower lip struck the smooth slick cold surface, froze as he fell,
ripping a chunk of skin right off sending him howling into the night.
Yes, he hated all flat animals. His lips curl into a snarl at the site
of a flat group of skipping two legged children flash by. He sucks down
more wine, well into his third bottle. Looks around the bus, sniffing
for females, maybe he'll go for a visit or two. Occasionally, one will
pass by going to the toilet. Coyote lets his coat fall open, his shiney
red prick sticking out from his fur. Soon the bus driver stops the bus,
opens the door, tells Coyote to straighten up or be pitched out into the
snow.
OK OK
He hunkers down tries to be real small. Cracks open his last bottle.
The fourth bottle. An important bottle. Four an important number. The
four seasons. The four directions from which come the four winds, four
corners. The four stages of life. The four wheels the two legged drive.
Important, an important bottle. His last. He takes a big gulp, then another
& another. Drains it dry. His head spinning he passes out cold. Dreaming.
He is being entertained by the chiefs of the Four Wheel Nation in their
luxurious teakwood paneled headquarters in Detroit. With them are the
Gun People. They are singing to Coyote ...
we spiral round
yes!
let us not bore u
ha!
to rend thick air
to pierce
a strong heart
we spiral
round
an empty chamber
no empty chamber
we need
more ammo
more ammo
more ammo
Coyote is given a huge feast. Rolls with butter, cheese, bowls of creamy
soup, tangy salads, fishes & steaks & shrimp. Then, his favorite
by far, a huge kettle of rabbit stew! So rich & tasty! He dives into
it, famished, a growling in his throat as he chomps it down. Delicious!
His belly is getting bigger, huge. A long deep burp. For a second the
veil of dream lifts & he sees himself - eating ammo! Cartridges, shells,
he is holding a case of 45's up to his mouth which he drops with a yell.
But ... then ... the vision returns. He sniffs suspiciously. That delicious
smell. He dives into the remaining rabbit stew. Finishing it, licking
up the very last drops ...
He awakens to a cold late morning bus , a low sun still orange in the
east to the west far away blue sky & a hint of mountains. Head feels
like something has exploded inside, shards, barb-like shrapnel piercing
every part of his brain. It really hurts. His gut - Jeez it feels like
it's full of, full of lead. uuuh oooooooooh ULP! rumble Uh, oh something's
coming out - he looks disparately at the can - not going to make it. He
slides open the window sticks his butt out into the cold. Rumble tweet
POOT KAPOW! What! What is this? PHARRRRT KAPOW! Ouch! Why he's shitting
bullets! Firing them too. An ass gun, how cool! His dream is real. &
Look! Up from ahead looms a flat two-legged on a bicycle. Sputter KAPOW!
Damn, he missed! He grabs his tail uses it to aim his asshole. sprattttt
BANG! PING! Got that flat deer! wonderful! BAM! BAM! BAM! Firing like
a machine-gun. Ouch, ass burns, better slow it down. KAPOW! PING! Ah sweet
revenge . Gonna teach this to everyone ...
& he does. So now everywhere one goes, all over the continent, there
is not one flat animal - four or two leggged - without a bright puckered
bullet hole through it's flat heart or through it's head ...
...
NEXT: Coyote teaches the 4 wheeled 2 legged how to toss beer bottles
out the window & a great recipe for tuna casserole.
